The Year is 2024
Level 1 - NGMI
A few months from graduation, bright-eyed 20 something year olds from scam universities like Harvard are entering the work force with a fresh $200,000 loan balance to pay. Since interest rates are high, this will represent wage garnishing for the next 10 years or so. But it is worth it!
You can go on Linked-in and “network” with 60 year olds who are spinning up ESG funds and being paid to advise people to invest 1% of net assets into cryptographically secure internet monies.
Kevin is one of those lucky folks. He recently acquired a position from the prestigious bank of Barclays. He is going on a “coffee lunch” with the staffer to “circle up” on the amazing IPO pipeline for the summer.
Staffer: “We have a robust pipeline of splashy IPOs in the financial services sector. One particular company is able to automatically clip coupons to help save 0.08651863% on every purchase made on this third party app in exchange for: your ID, your retina scan, a drop of blood and of course your social security number. It’s amazing! It results in $12 of savings per week! This is why we can afford this coffee on the corporate amex!”
Kevin: “That sounds like such an amazing opportunity I am sure we’ll be lead left after winning the Bake-off!”
Staffer: “You got that right Kevin! You made the right decision by joining the most exhilarating industry in the world, many would kill to be your shoes! On that note, I have to go to a meeting in the conference room in 20 minutes so look forward to seeing you soon!”
Staffer is fired and receives a zero.
Kevin: (types up email at 100 words per minute) “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today! I’m beyond excited to start my journey with the most powerful firm on the Street!”
Kevin: “I am sure this is just a bump in the road, if i just dollar cost average into value stocks that pay 1.4% dividends for 30 years I can retire with no problems. Warren Buffet would never steer me in the wrong direction, he is a Billionaire!”
Zip Fast Forward Three Months
The staffer is still unemployed since he has no marketable skills. He can’t sell anything, create anything or even download a wallet. He’s complaining on the internet about how life is unfair and sending his unemployment checks to Ginger on OnlyFans.
Ginger claims to love him and will do anything for him if he just sends an extra $200 tip. Ginger is actually run by a man in Nicaragua and is an AI/CGI made up person who doesn’t exist.
Kevin? Well Kevin learns that the new standard for bonuses will be 20% of his base salary. Down a modest -80%. His Harvard loan is still post-tax money.
Meanwhile, Yi-joon and Si-woo from North Korea with a net worth of $500 (better than negative $200,000) are opening up 100 wallets to farm airdrops ranging from DOP to Berachain to B-squared to SCAM-TOKEN. Why farm the scams? When you’re stuck in North Korea even if the airdrop is worth $4 it’s better than nothing.
Airdrop spring is occurring and they squabble together exactly 10 ETH. The value then rises to $100,000 which allows them to spin up an E-commerce company. They join this thing called the jungle which has ballooned to a 8-digit economy with mainstream influencers forced to “start paying attention”
Yi-Joon and Si-Woo have another trick up their sleeves though. They intend to act as NPCs on TikTok doing the floss dance and zombie impressions. This is a hit for 40 year old recently divorced women as they swoon over the K-pop looking stars sending them many “tips”. They convert these tips into more cryptographically secure *early* ponzi coins built on Web 3, blockchain, decentralized Metaverse value abstraction layers (zk-snark, sharding proofs, EIP-999288371 etc.).
Instead of buying the latest iPhone they use the Solana phone to run their TikTok enterprise. Doesn’t matter that the Solana network goes down every couple months. What matters is the free scam coins built on-top of the latest dex/ponzi worth another $75 a day. They trade these coins in for more efferium.
Yi-Joon and Si-Woo have hit the jackpot. With their viral NPC K-pop videos they have amassed an email list of 40 year old single women who have earned $0 of their initial capital after divorcing a wide number of Investment Bankers.
Time to sell the dream. The dream of fillers and botox. Back to their youth!
By utilizing their farming rewards they are able to set up a MedSpa (source) in La Jolla California.
Now you might be wondering how can they even get in? Well the state has decided that anyone is allowed to enter or leave California so long as it is done on a small boat (source)
Does it end there? No it does not.
Yi-Joon and Si-Woo have learned about tax havens. Once they sell their MedSpa in Q4 of 2024 they will ride off once again on their small boat never to be seen again.
The women do not need to know they weren’t even South Korean in the first place. The TikTok dancers were all AI and on coincidentally on Tour during their injections of botox.
Then I told them it was safer to store with me on Fidelity!
The older generation is busy selling the public “Bitcoin” in an ETF.
Hillary: “Hey there is this other internet thing called Efferium. Not even sure what it does but there is a ticker for it and everything. Get this Larry, it pays a yield!”
Larry Fink-enstein: “You thinking what I am thinking"?”
Hillary: “Gosh dang, hootin and hollerin right I am! We’ll create an ETF for this ripe ole’ sucker keep the yield and make them buy it anyway! A classic Finkenstein monster ETF! Just like our Bridge playing cheatin’ schemes at the Royal Caribbean!"
Everyone Else is Doing It
After the ETF is launched a swarm of copy pasta steal your yield and steal your farms products appear.
Part 4: Questions for Plato
At this point you’ve got to make a decision. Are you going to try and save your way to retirement with Kevin? Clipping coupons and saving that -80% bonus year after year?
Are you going to give all your money to another fee generating ETF operated by Finkelstein and underperform spot BTC and ETH with fees?
Or… Are you going to copy paste the plans from North Korea. You’re in the USA already and we know you’re not doing any real work staring at spreadsheets all day. Will you click buttons on VPNs?
Decision time anon
Disclaimer: None of this is to be deemed legal or financial advice of any kind. These are *opinions* written by an anonymous group of Ex-Wall Street Tech Bankers and software engineers who moved into affiliate marketing and e-commerce.
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