The Year is 2037 - FedNow

Level 1 - Definitely NGMI

Beep Beep. RED ALERT.

FedNow (source) has issued a red alert for Sean who overspent his FedNow CBDC allotment on push-up bra Susan’s Only Fans Virtual AI feet photo event.

His transaction is blocked.

He also didn’t realize that transaction was going to a man larping as a girl with Advanced AI filters and Chat GPT 7 technology to make her voice match Sean’s exact preferences (a combo Russian/French accent is preferred)

CBDC FedNow is backed by the founder of Blockfi, Celsius, Do Kwon, Grant Cardone, Tai Lopez, SBF’s polycule, President Powell, Joe Biden and of course the founder of Ripple. It has uncapped supply, no onchain data to verify funds and all smart contracts can be blocked if you spend too much or too little on the wrong products or services.

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You pause and look around. Thankfully you’re surrounded by anon cartoon characters who continue to use sats and gwei to survive off of the land developed by BowTiedBroke and maintained by BowTiedFarmer

You crawl out of the Tent to catch some Vitamin D which is a luxury since most are plugged into the Metaverse to watch the Gender Neutral Olympics.

The Olympics now feature the combination of Lebron James, Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlin and Stephen Curry gene therapy creating a male who identifies as a female.

*She* averages 9,999 points per game (score board limit) and is the only athlete in history to go pro at age four.

The remaining four players on the court average 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 steals, 0 blocks and 0 turnovers a game but are celebrated as champions for the 20th year in a row taking their 4th gold medal and are featured on Bud Light ads across the globe.

Since you are not allowed to enter into this part of the Metaverse without giving the government a geolocation chip, blood sample and DNA sequence to President Powell. You’re banished from the “festival” for good.

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You receive a “Phone Call”

It is from your 12 year old daughter asking for a few computer coins to pay for weight loss pills.

You know it’s a trap since it is illegal to lose weight in the United States since the “Deflation Reduction Act” was passed in 2032. Being in shape is a hate crime unless you were a pre-conceived neutral athlete developed by the San Francisco Tenderloin District.

BowTiedOx

has been on the most wanted list since 2030 after starting an underground gym.

You safely avoided the deep fake made by the CIA to get you to part with 1/20 of your entire net worth.

A sigh of relief until you check the news.

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Chickens have been banned since the term “Chicks” is now considered derogatory and offensive. This is enough firepower to ban the species entirely.

Sample of Hate Speech that got the Entire Species Banned

The Mascot for the Miami Heat is officially sent off into the rehabilitation camps for acting like a chicken. You watch live as as a private jet flies him off to the latest climate change conference. All 20 members of the climate change forum fly in separate jets for “safety concerns”

Luckily the island has enough rare necessities like natural chicken and eggs. It also gives you a day to relax and refuel before the cyber attacks and military come back. The goal is for the globe to convert DeGen Island inhabitants into the CBDC FedNow system.

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You take a big sigh of relief and check the candidate pool for the upcoming election.

To your surprise despite the S&P 500 now comprising of 490 technology companies and 10 companies pretending not to be technology companies (definitely not monopolies), the average age of the candidates is 85.

A new rule was passed that if a candidate understands how to use a hardware wallet, they are deemed a danger to society.

Instead of having in person debates or virtual debates, the candidates on each side are determined by the number of views obtained by their 10 submitted TikTok videos.

All views are counted as equal and for some reason the winner always has strong ties to India and the Philippines.

Currently, it looks like the Left is going to win only because Barry Silbert and Brian Armstrong handed over all of their computer coins when a mean email was sent over telling them to give up the assets back in 2032. They have enough funding to guarantee the view count.

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You sit back and think about how lucky you are to have made it. The circus continues and yet you’re still insulated.

You think back to 2033 when the official ban on RAID, Ortho and Spectracide went into effect. Since bugs are the primary source of food if caught killing them you are immediately reported to PETA and are sent off for six months of “community service”.

In addition to the bug killing ban, there is also a “luxury tax” on having a home that is producing cockroaches (milk), crickets or grasshoppers. This reduces your FedNow credits as it pertains to food and there is an additional wealth tax if an ant colony is found on your property (which is now leased to the government and no longer your deed with the new 100 year lease rules for property rights)

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All isn’t lost though. While many of your friends haven’t made it… The ones that have continue to create generational wealth by fading the masses on the island.

In fact Lady Luck herself was revealed and decided to reside on the island.

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Disclaimer: None of this is to be deemed legal or financial advice of any kind. These are *opinions* written by an anonymous group of Ex-Wall Street Tech Bankers and software engineers who moved into affiliate marketing and e-commerce. We’re an advisor for Synapse Protocol 2022-2024E.

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