Note if there are payment issues in your country tag us on Twitter and we can help immediately if interested in paid content.
Why Subscribe to Basic Level
Before jumping in, the writing style is direct/blunt/to the point. This typing style is not good for parties/clubs but is designed for business/communication purposes. It helps prevent confusion and we apply the same standards to ourselves. Meaning? We do our best to say nothing if we don’t know the answer.
Subscribe to basic level to ramp up on the necessary knowledge for the decentralized future (Crypto, Internet Businesses and Technology Stocks is the focus). Basic level is good for people who don’t understand anything about crypto or technology investing in general. We provide broad stroke overviews of topical items but do not provide detailed analysis since that is for the WAGMI Crew.
Majority of our readers are *wealthy* in the $600-700K net worth range with incomes in the $250K range. That said the main goal here before investing money is this: 1) high paying career in M&A/Tech/Sales, 2) during this time you build up a “WiFi” business and 3) once your WiFi business is making 2x your net income from your career, you likely need to quit. Addendum: in a work from home situation this strategy should be incredibly easy to implement.
Ranking of post difficulty as follows:
Level 6 - Vitamin Butane & SBF (Paid)
Level 5 - Sonic Autist (Paid)
Level 4 - Turbo Autist (Paid)
Level 3 - Virgin DeFi Analyst (Free/Paid)
Level 2 - Value Investor (Free)
Level 1 - NGMI (Free)
Join The WAGMI Crew - MAKE BANKS ZEROS
To be clear we try to find new investments 1x a month (slightly more slightly less depending on what is happening). If you are looking for scam coordinated pump and dumps go somewhere else you’re not wanted here and enjoy losing everything over time. Also. If you want step by step explainers of what is going on in internet businesses (or how to build them) we put that content here as well. (Yes we cover tech and biz at the same time!)
Be part of the first Decentralized Anonymous Army (DAA) against centralized ponzi scams (Banks, Exchanges, etc.). The We All Gonna Make It (WAGMI) crew is focused primarily on spreading the good word about crypto while (hopefully) becoming disgustingly rich. If we’re entirely wrong, you can watch us (yes the group of writers) lose the vast majority of our net worth which is published monthly.
Unlike other groups all of our positions will be announced here real time so you can time stamp it and see if we’re doing well or not. We have a good track record for those that have been following our Twitter for the past 9-10 years or so. That said, nothing here is legal/financial advice but rather opinions from an anonymous cartoon bull (and other cartoon animals).
Our background is Technology Investment Banking, Affiliate Marketing and E-commerce. Crypto fits right in due to great timing (a little luck in life helps) as we’ve used complex software/VPNs/Servers for a long period of time. Paid subscribers are also allowed to ask for data, participate in monthly Q&As and ask specific questions if they relate to a particular post.
Beyond the focus on crypto… we also talk about life, traditional investing and the year 2035 (Degen Island Updates only for Paid Subs). We’ve been writing for about a decade and all paid subs drive the direction of the posts.
Structure of Content
Total length of content is estimated to be 25+ pages per week. This is size 12 font in a basic word document so roughly 120 pages of information per week (70% of which is paid).
Free Post: Once a week every Monday.
Paid Posts: Wednesday and Sunday.
Q&A/Portfolio Update: Once a month performance review + Q&A in one Post.
Bonus Posts: We will also write randomly in excess of this.
Vacation/Time Off: If we need a week off, we will manually shut off all payments (you will not be charged for a week that is taken off).
Final Note: We will not have a consistent time of day that we will post. This is not fair to people in Asia/Australia/USA etc. We will randomly post on that particular day. The general framework is that everyone gets equal opportunity not equal results. So everyone gets the content at the same time at a random time that day. This is the only fair way to do it.
Not Gonna Make It (NGMI): This is someone who has no understanding of crypto
Rug (Project Disappears): This is when a crypto project launches by raising ETH/other crypto and on launch day it “fails” and all money is lost
Ponzi/Scams: Self explanatory, many projects in crypto are scams/ponzis. The problem is that if you get in “early” on a ponzi you can make money before it blows up. So it’s both a good and bad thing. Also. Scams are things that have no value, like a currency that can be inflated away into infinity and beyond
Centralized: This is anything that can be shut down by one person (Facebook can shut down any account, in fact substack could shut down our account as well). Coinbase is centralized, banks are centralized etc
Decentralized: Something that doesn’t have a central point of failure (such as crypto currencies)
2035: We have a theme. We’re from the future. If you look at until 2035, everyone in the WAGMI crew is living on DeGen Island (Degenerate or Decentralized Generation)… You decide. In 2035, there are two groups. The crypto financial elite and the Clowns still stuck in traditional finance (Banks, Hedge Funds etc.). At this time the elite live on islands safe from the old world fighting off clown attacks. The Clowns have adapted and now eat grasshoppers to provide sustenance (they are quite nutrient dense and yes there is a clown grasshopper in the physical realm - look it up)
Degen Island is in Singapore (Asia) and Puerto Rico (USA)
Ripple (Grasshopper Token): Ripple is a centralized scam coin so this was eventually used by the traditional world as a food token. Food being grasshoppers
Shit Coin: This is generally a small cap coin where you should take a small position - or a complete zero that you should never invest into. The problem is that people are nuts and they will send these coins up and down massively for no reason
Few: “Few understand”
Rekt: Loss of everything in an investment - liquidation
Citadel: Structure for the financial elite, the first Citadel is created on February 2, 2022 (remember we are from the future so save that date).
Fren: “Degen Friend”
Anon: A financial elite (anonymous person) who knows it is smarter to remain anonymous than tie your real name to crypto given the significant importance of the 4th industrial devolution
Non-Coiner: Self explanatory, owns zero coins or has all his coins within a scam like a centralized exchange
The Year is 2035. Why We’re Here Today…
Hello Avatar. If you’re reading this message you’ve realized that this blog is not run by a human but by AI. The total cost of sending this message back in time 14 years was 10 ETH, which is the equivalent of $100M US token as of 2021 value. Unfortunately, a lot has changed in the world and we hope that you’re prepared. This also explains our pin-point accuracy in near-term coin opinions (we’re computer programs from the future).
What Does The World Look Like? After the great coin bull run that started in 2021 (the Year of the Ox, confirming the simulation hypothesis), the world was split into two groups: Degens and Clowns (primarily people in their 40-50s as of 2021). While you may look at that and laugh, this is a serious matter. A matter of life and death.
The majority of coins are controlled by the Degens. Many anons successfully traded the epic 2021 cycle to become sovereign individuals. Since most of them were high on LSD at the time, they eventually paid for robots to procure sustenance (robots to create food and procure clean water). The majority of the Degens live in either Puerto Rico or Singapore. If you have a friend or a friend of a friend that is already there, you should begin building a relationship with him/her (before they plug into the metaverse for good).
Then there is the issue of the Clowns. The clown population is still quite large and primarily filled with ex-bankers. Yes banks are now zeros. And? They were behind the FEI and ForceDAO rugs. This may surprise people reading this, but in 2028 it is revealed that 572,000 ETH were actually stolen by CEOs of large investment banks during the rug pulls of 2020-2021 (you didn’t think it was going to be this easy did you anon?).
That is neither here nor there. If you were lucky enough to make it to Degen Island (Puerto Rico) or Degen Island Asia (Singapore), you had diamond hands. 2021 was a tumultuous year with many HODLers blowing out of their positions as the investment banks attempted to scare retail investors with $30-40B US token short positions on the crypto industry. The eventual result of this war on coins was a rapid increase in mental institutions.
You see, having zero coins the entire time was easier on the psyche when compared to selling your entire bag only to see the price 100x over the coming decade. Nobody should blame them. When there is a cyber war, many suffer psychological trauma.
If you get scared of the volatility in your positions, we recommend re-reading this paragraph. We do not recommend selling to the Clown army, the largest enemy of planet Earth in 2035.
The Food Wealth Disparity: Many of you have asked why we give away free alpha. Well as we have revealed we’re not actual people but AI. Also. We have a large confession to make. Back in 2021 (April 27 to be exact) we made a huge mistake and trolled the entire industry of Wall Street.
Instead of forcing them to pay 69 ETH per clown to clean up their image, we allowed them to purchase tokens on a defunct centralized exchange called Coinbase. Retail traders did not realize that if they left their coins on Coinbase it would be stolen by the Clowns later down the line. The only ones who used the centralized exchanges correctly were the Degens that instant transferred to cold storage wallets.
Now, you may be wondering… how did they survive? Why was the Clown event so impactful? Since we never sold them their clown masks for 69 ETH they used the 69 ETH to invest into a scam crypto currency called “Ripple”. This token is now being used as a form of food stamps.
The food stamps allow them to purchase various types of grass hoppers with low to high amounts of protein in them. We didn’t know it back in 2021, but if you eat nothing but grass hoppers you develop BOTH muscle mass and the ability to slither through slim spaces such as the crack underneath a door. This created long-term security issues.
What Do You Do? Well, now that you see the big picture, we want to make sure you’re in a great position to make it to Degen Island. The first rule of 2021 is to never sell a single crypto asset. For example. All of the food tokens represent actual food in 2035.
Many of you were lucky enough to keep sushi, pancakes and unicorns (yes the human race creates those later as edible products). If you’re reading this we recommend you keep a few units for sustenance in 2035 as you will need energy to compete with the growing enemy: the Clowns.
The second course of action is to invest in two major defense mechanisms: 1) a double barrel shotgun and 2) an air tight 20x20 living space with facial recognition entry system. If you do not, you may end up like our dear friend James who wasted money on a Rolex that could have paid for the facial recognition system. He died in 2025 due to a Clown invasion at Mar-a-Lago Club.
The third course of action is to live with near zero expenses. If you have a one bedroom apartment you need to ditch it for an Efficiency studio and live with a roommate in said studio. Every satoshi and gwei will be worth more than your entire annual salary if you could only afford a one bedroom apartment. Also. You should stock pile food in bulk from Costco and save every cent for more precious crypto coins.
Now for The Scary Stuff: While the above may seem simple to you, it will be a lot harder than it looks. We will give you some clear action points to avoid taking down advice from the wrong people.
Writing Tell: You’re likely talking to a future Clown if they use phrases such as “thanks bud” or “will do” frequently. This is a common phrase in the New York City Clownhattan army (currently called Wall Street). Second? They will frequently recommend you purchase something called a “security” which is the exact opposite of its meaning. Not only is it not secure but it is later confiscated by the clown army to fund grasshopper food farms in the future.
The Dating Tell: The Clowns have a strange preference for dating women who are in a similar age band and significantly less attractive than usual. A good rule of thumb is to smile and nod to anyone “dating down”. For those offended by this, the true Degens that run the world now have the option to date 100s of different genetically perfect mates. Be wary of the US token rich but dating life poor. He is likely a General or Sergeant in the Clown army circa 2030.
The Physical Component: An interesting style choice is the use of vests. Many of the Clown Army members currently walk around in fleece sweater vests emblazoned with the defunct logo of a bank. Another common style flex is a Gucci belt and Ferragamo loafers. Since you know that Gucci shoes are more expensive… you know the individual is hurting for cash… as he purchased the discounted loafers… and paid full price for the belt. He’s being margin called and that explains the inability to pay for the shoes.
The Great Separation: We write once again to apologize for the issues that occur in 2035, the strength of the Clown Army is quite strong and they put up a good fight. However, if this message is sent far and wide the entire endeavor can be avoided.
The 2021 separation leads to mental institutions, generational wealth or the consumption of various types of larva for sustenance (another proof of the simulation is that the creators of punks are called “larva labs”).
We hope you take this message seriously. Time travel coin sends are quite expensive but this is a matter of life or death. If you do not take this message seriously and sell early, your sons and daughters end up disowning you to go work for “Bull and Bowtie Capital” which is the #2 performing hedge fund for the past decade. The only superior performer is Meme Markets run by 15 year olds on the edge of tech.
Nothing here is to be deemed legal or financial advice in any way. These articles are simply opinions written by a Cartoon Bull Avatar run by anonymous individuals.