Stay Rich By Killing the Ego: You Are Always Worse Than "Them"
Level 2 - Value Investor
Welcome Avatar! This year has been quite wild. Wild in a good way. Beyond standard investing stuff, we’ve seen a few new faces that are now printing mid-5 figures in monthly profit. On X that’s nothing. Everyone makes $40-60K a month. Over here? We celebrate it since it’s an insane accomplishment for anyone who knows the 3-year grind.
Summary
Most People Lie Up: According to the typical person at the Equinox, they could have gone pro in the NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL and Gymnastics if they just “tried a bit more”. In addition to this they are making $30,000 a month while working 2 hours a week. They date nothing but models and are smarter than Elon Musk. Also. They are never at the beach on Tuesday 10am or at the gym Thursday 2pm. Odd.
Do The Opposite: You must learn to keep it all quiet. If you think your friends and family members will be happy for you… think again. Anyone who comes in and says “ohhh man not my family you’re just a bad person”. Congrats, you’re talking to a complete loser.
Reality is that a large chunk of people will be: 1) envious, 2) some borderline nasty and 3) hit you with the standard “you got lucky” or “don’t you think it was luck”.
While a small subset of your friends/family will be happy for you, anyone with true success knows what we just wrote is 1,000,000% true with no exceptions. People don’t mind if you’re doing as well as them or slightly below. The ego gets absolutely destroyed when you surpass them by a significant amount. This is where you learn their real opinion.
Here, in this post, we’re going to give you the ability to avoid that entire hassle. Keep a much better social life. And. Keep even more of your income/wealth. Besides, no one will ask you for money if they don’t think you have any.
Rule of Money: Don’t Look Like You Have Any
We have more than enough built in public success stories. All of them have a similar vibe. At some point the digits on a screen roll or you sign a specific deal. Then you realize you secured you’re first step function in financial success.
Not “I got a better raise” money. Not a “top bucket bonus” money. Rather, the first time you know the old you and your old life is gone.
You check your accounts. You click refresh. You check it again. It doesn’t seem real but it is. Instead of measuring the win in “dollars” you’re measuring it with years of expenses. When you’re measuring the win in *time* versus *objects*. It was huge.
Mammal Brain: Everyone gets the same sensation. Dopamine flood. You want to tell people, you want to celebrate, you want to upgrade instantly. Since we were tribal creatures for centuries the brain wants: 1) witnesses, 2) recognition and 3) acceptance.
This will end up being the most expensive lesson you learn (if you fail the test). A bear market isn’t your risk. The risk is acting like you’ve made it. This is one of the only ways to go from “made it” to “back to grinding”.
“Can Finally Purchase”… Death of Compounding
It’s perfectly fine to celebrate. This can be a party, slightly nicer vacation or one time experience (floor seats to the Knicks). However. If you’re upgrading everything, you’re actually doing the opposite of what a rich person does. People who get rich and stay rich have control of their emotions. They don’t cash them in.
If you find yourself upgrading every part of your life? This is no different than therapy sessions. Masking the insecurity with random goods that no one cares about.
The worst part? Your first upgrade actually creates the need for *more* upgrades. We’ve done it. We’re sure you’ve done it. You buy one crazy item (car, watch etc.) and suddenly you can’t eat at the same place or wear the same clothing. Activation of lifestyle creep is dangerous.
Examples:
Nice car —> Now I need a nicer place
Nicer place —> Need a vacation home for Winter
Nice watch —> wardrobe needs to match
Wardrobe is nice —> Restaurants need an upgrade
Restaurants Change —> Vacations get bigger
Before you know it, you’ve converted a breakout year into a money pit.
Just Imagine This But You Need to Sell Businesses to Continue. Ugly.
Permanent lifestyles are the enemy of wealth. They make it more difficult to survive bad years. This lifestyle is extremely brittle. Paper thin room for error.
The goal is to retain a lifestyle *without* having to work harder. Your goal is freedom not being owned by some massive mortgage.
Quick Rule: After your major win? You’re not allowed to upgrade your lifestyle for 1 year. You are free to have one wilder vacation (one week) or throw a single wild party. Beyond that, you are retaining the same lifestyle for 1 year to let the dopamine come down. You know its over when you stop checking your accounts to see if the “money is there”
Money Has Social Gravity
Once people think you have money and you *look* like you have money… people will change around you. Why? Perception is reality.
Now the incentives are different. If you pull up in a Lambo to a night club, is the girl talking to you because you’re just a cool guy or did she see the car when you walked into the venue? Incentives have changed. Information has changed.
Wealth signals are drastically different from wealth in some Schwab account. One you can see and feel, the other is invisible. Guess which one impacts your social gravity the most?
A good way to think about this. If people think you have money they will treat you like money. Trying to use it.
Visibility is a human tax. Don’t believe otherwise. You’re not celebrity looking for endorsements.
Extractors Show Up
These personality types are always looking to get something out of you: 1) quick business idea where you do all the work and you split it 50/50, 2) constant picking your brain even if you don’t even know them, 3) have a “can’t miss” investment and 4) the classic family “small loan” - if you ever give friends or family a loan it is a gift. (Note it is fine to do this if you like, just don’t expect to see the money. It’s always a gift. Write it off)
Suddenly your phone gets 2x more texts, emails and phone calls per day. What a wild coincidence!
Moral Police Show Up
“Yeah bro if i had your success i’d do this”
Suddenly they are watching what you buy, where you go and who you spend your time with. If it’s not in line with their personal beliefs then “you changed man”. You didn’t work this hard to stay the same. Don’t let them drag you into their crab bucket. Misery loves company.
The reality is that they want to control your decisions. Since they didn’t make it they want you to act in a perfect way that makes them feel happy. An impossible task.
Emotional Competition
The more info that is out there? The more sudden competition you’ll feel. They will tell you things like “I feel so behind” or “what was your exact timeline”. This is passive aggressive competitive behavior. A person with a healthy ego is not going to compare themselves to someone else. If they are making the right choices, they know their step function is going to happen. Be it in 1 month or 2 years.
Since they are suffering from envy, they attempt to diss your wins/accomplishments.
Quick Rule: People talk. If you wouldn’t put your upgrade onto the front page of the Wall Street Journal… don’t buy it.
“Must Be Nice” - Envy in Three Words
Most people are not happy when you pass them.
Some will cheer for you when it is still a pipe dream
They support you when it still hasn’t hit exit velocity
Then you create separation and KABOOM - human nature takes over
Visible success causes people to update their reptilian brain hierarchy system. Humans do not enjoy updates that place them lower on the ladder.
In order to fight this reality they use lack of accountability.
Here is a quick list: 1) you got lucky, 2) must be nice, 3) you didn’t make it someone else did it for you, 4) you’re greedier than them which allowed you to go above and beyond, 5) you were more likable when you were poorer and 6) you changed.
If you’re successful and made it already, we can all but guarantee you’ve heard at least four of these. For women the most common is “must be nice”. For men it is “you got lucky”.
It is really just a broken ego. The success makes *them* feel inferior since *they* are the ones comparing. You were too busy building and quite frankly hope they make it out. You’re learning in real time this was a one way street.
Status Forced Comparison: When someone walks into a room, the vast majority do a “sizing up” of how legitimate the person is. A small fraction of the room will be inspired. The rest? They will cope and seethe.
Oddly, another chunk will root for you to fail. This is because they want to protect their own egos. They want to feel like they are in the same playing field.
Quick Rule: If you are in a room, attempt to convey that you are in the exact same wealth bracket *MINUS* 20%. If everyone makes $250K, you make $200K. If everyone is worth $1M, you are close to a million but not there. So on and so forth. Never give any information that suggests you are better in any way.
Time Rich and Options is the Real Flex
Due to Instagram people think that wealth is the following: 1) cars, 2) watches, 3) flights, 4) tables, 5) bottles and 6) extreme experience spending
That’s not a flex at all. That is consumption.
The real flex is social wealth and time wealth. 1) you don’t need a bunch of cars because you don’t need to go anywhere if you don’t want to, 2) you turn down flights because you don’t want to meet them, 3) you don’t take on bad clients because you need to make the mortgage payment, 4) you don’t have an alarm clock or boss which is why you don’t need a watch and 5) in general people come to you versus you going to them.
Having a rapidly increasing standard of living just chains you to more people. Real wealth is time freedom and options. It isn’t possible to post an instagram photo of time.
That’s real wealth. Anything that photographs well invites attention. And. Attention is just the path to more liabilities.
Quick Rule: The truly wealthy only buy things when an asset can pay for it. If you really want to upgrade that house, you need to find the money through a cash flow machine. If you get a raise and use that money for the car… You’re *more* reliant on your career.
Be smarter. If you acquire a rental property and that *income* pays for the entire upgrade? Go ahead and pull the trigger. You are losing zero time for the upgrade.
Assets buy time. Use assets. Top Left is what you want to pay all expenses over the long-term.
Being Quiet Makes You Richer
“I don’t care what anyone thinks” Most people just say this. Few mean it.
If you can say this and mean it? You have leverage. You’re in a position of strength. A fantastic place to be in any negotiation.
Being quiet keeps your relationships cleaner. Since no one will know your value, your time is safer. Waking up every single day able to focus on your most important tasks. Not being side tracked into random conversations about this “home run idea” that has zero shot of working.
As a rule of thumb, you always want to be underestimated. This allows you to toggle between conviction and patience. If you’re publicly loud, this persona needs to continue in order for you to retain status. Now you understand exactly why pro athletes and celebrities go broke. Can’t go from driving a Lambo and wearing VS1 Diamonds to a Honda Civic.
High expectations = high hurdles. Not a good position to do better than expected.
Pro-Tip: If you’re in a new environment you get one shot to show your cards. This means you should feel comfortable being underestimated. Get over the insecurity stuff, it is a huge advantage. Then you can go ahead and show your cards when the time is right. After everyone is surprised, you simply say “thank you all i have to go”
Why? The typical group think dynamic after being underestimated is they begin massively raising the bar. The easy money/easy win is gone.
Success Costs You People
Anyone who successfully moved up the socio-economic ladder? Their contact list changes. No fluff. Bezos is not talking to the same people today as he did in high school. Not a single shot.
Your success will cost you some relationships. Get over it.
While you should avoid arrogance and being above other people. If you’re staying even keel you’ll notice that a large chunk of people were wolves in disguise.
Your success removes the veil. People liked you because you were relatable.
People liked you because they felt ahead and you made them feel better about themselves. People liked you because your life made theirs feel amazing.
When you pass them, the relationship becomes a magic mirror. Many will not like what they see.
They drift. They trivialize your success. They point out your bad points in a joking manner. They give you the cold shoulder.
And. If unprepared, you’ll waste your time trying to win back their affection. By doing this you only validate their insecurity but you also burn your momentum (one of the hardest things to create). Apologizing for yourself only makes them weaker and slows you down. Neither are good. Emotional poverty.
Assuming you didn’t rub your success in their face (deserving of animosity), keep things stable and see which egos got popped (the ones that weren’t even your friends).
If you continue to grind and grow, it becomes harder to argue with 5, 10, 15, 20 years of consistent all out effort. You’ve crossed that chasm when people start making the excuse of “that guy works too hard, it isn’t worth it”.
Quick Rule: You will find that a lot of your friends and family are haters. It is how statistics work. Your contact list will shrink without any fireworks. Oddly, you’ll also meet a new set of winners who replace them over the long-term as well. It all works out in the end. Once again. Assuming you didn’t overtly rub your wins in their face.
But You Deserve to Flex/Have a Treat
There is some truth to this. The point is that you truly need to deserve it. Again. Think like a truly rich person. Rich people do not like trading their time for money.
If you have to work longer hours and harder to get it, you can’t afford it.
Instead.
If your assets can cover it, you should go buy it tomorrow.
Massive difference. If you have a real estate portfolio spitting out $250,000 a year with no debt, you’re free to spend $250,000 a year. If you make $250,000 in a W-2 and have no other income… No… You shouldn’t spend anything close to $250,000.
Here’s the order of events:
After your first big win you’re going to leave 12 months unchanged. You’re free to have one party/vacation to celebrate. However. You lived with your prior lifestyle, an extra year is not much to allow the dopamine to settle.
Start turning that money into assets that make money while you sleep. The vast majority of your time should be spent figuring out what type of risk and structure you want.
Build multiple income streams. This isn’t for showing off, it is for peace of mind. An online business, real estate business, crypto farming strategy and medical stock portfolio are unrelated. Remember. No one ever gets rich with diversification. However. After you get rich the goal is to stabilize your earnings. Why? So you can do it all over again and concentrate without capital risk.
Upgrade Privately. If you made it big big, yeah, buy the house. Just don’t post about it on Instagram. Look for things that can be used without a big display of attention
Upgrade your freedom next. Do you really want to wake up every day at 7am? Do you want to be able to hit the beach on a weekday morning? So on and so forth. Look for ways to improve your freedom.
And. We know no one will listen. After you make it and find out a large chunk are envious… well there is a silver lining. For the people who are happy for you? Go ahead an share your wins. You’ll find that your true friends/family will give you more motivation to grind higher. If you got the cake, may as well go for the cherry on top if you can.
Quick Rule: If you upgrade something that requires you to work harder? You didn’t buy anything. The item bought you. You sold it your time.
Closing Remarks
If your goal is to stay rich, you need to reduce outside variables. Why create more human tax if you don’t need to? The goal is to thrive in all conditions. Even during economic or social turmoil. Only sovereign individuals can pull this off.
By giving away your cards, you’re actually changing your personal relationship with every single person you know. This includes your girlfriend/spouse/mother/father/best friend etc. Decide if that is worth it.
Do you want to buy more expectations? Entitlement? Envy? Reduced Privacy?
If you’re serious about remaining rich for life the goal is simple: Be as invisible as possible until you’re unshakeable.
Hilariously. Lady luck loves the guy/girl that doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. Funny how that works.
Stack in silence. Egos are distractions. Build with conviction.
When you finally do upgrade it won’t come at the expense of your time.
Addendum
Before signing off we know that the guys who made it this year are reading. To that we say congratulations to you. While we love the emails, just know that you always deserve all the credit. You took the risk of entering this side of the internet. You bet on yourself. And. You ate glass for three years. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. You deserve it.
Disclaimer: None of this is to be deemed legal or financial advice of any kind. These are *opinions* written by an anonymous group of Ex-Wall Street Tech Bankers and software engineers who moved into affiliate marketing and e-commerce.
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