The short answer is: it depends. It depends on factors like the age of your child, the established family dynamics, your current relationship with them, etc.
Without knowing the specifics, I’d recommend practicing empathic listening, especially if your kids are older. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People covers this in detail. The whole book is worth reading but if you just want a quick answer to your question - go to the section called 'Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.' He covers your question between pages 281 and 297 in my 2020 edition.
With my own kids, I focus on guiding rather than lecturing. I ask open-ended questions and encourage them to think through situations themselves, even if their conclusions differ from what I might prefer. This approach, inspired by Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting didn't come to me naturally at all... But when emotions subside, there's a clear value of the thought process over the outcome. It’s not always easy, but the long-term benefits are well worth the effort.
Finally, to coach effectively without lecturing (kids, employees, whoever), lead by example. As I mentioned earlier, strengthening your own character and behavior naturally increases your influence. Your actions will speak louder than words, and your integrity will set the standard for your kids.
The short answer is: it depends. It depends on factors like the age of your child, the established family dynamics, your current relationship with them, etc.
Without knowing the specifics, I’d recommend practicing empathic listening, especially if your kids are older. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People covers this in detail. The whole book is worth reading but if you just want a quick answer to your question - go to the section called 'Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.' He covers your question between pages 281 and 297 in my 2020 edition.
With my own kids, I focus on guiding rather than lecturing. I ask open-ended questions and encourage them to think through situations themselves, even if their conclusions differ from what I might prefer. This approach, inspired by Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting didn't come to me naturally at all... But when emotions subside, there's a clear value of the thought process over the outcome. It’s not always easy, but the long-term benefits are well worth the effort.
Finally, to coach effectively without lecturing (kids, employees, whoever), lead by example. As I mentioned earlier, strengthening your own character and behavior naturally increases your influence. Your actions will speak louder than words, and your integrity will set the standard for your kids.