Viewer Discretion Advised: Chad vs. Steve 2024
Level 2 - Value Investor
Welcome Avatar! The following is based on a true story that depicts the life paths of two 20 year old men on the journey to adulthood.
Will you end up like Steve or will you end up like Chad. The choice is yours.
Congratulations Class of 2024
Steve has graduated top of his class from the prestigious Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
Chad spent his time ripping jello shots and learning how to sell adult products online from his dorm room at City College of New York.
Steve has decided that ESG is the future and wants to help build out DEI incentives at Bain and Company. The world needs more DEI since “everyone else is doing it”. Besides, if you don’t discriminate, you are racist.
Chad? He’s already making $175,000 a year selling adult products online and finds that the women he meets at bars and clubs are aware of his growing enterprise! He continues to go out frequently and eventually crosses path with Steve in the summer of 2024.
Chad is already 4 drinks deep when Steve rolls up to the King Cole bar with his green corporate AMEX card during summer training. He is allowed two drinks at most under $20.
He brings his college sweetheart Karen to the bar with him. They are getting a steal!
Chad meets push-up bra Susan and they slam a Jägerbomb in front of the staff. Steve and Karen gasp in horror at the lack of class and tact.
Quick Convo
Steve “Hey man be safe, you got a way back home? We live in Brooklyn and can help you get to the train safely”
Chad “Oh don’t worry about me man i live at 5th and 64th near the Central Park Zoo, we do this every night around the park”
Steve “Every night? That sounds pretty irresponsible. I know some good financial planners who can help you learn about dollar cost averaging into the S&P 500 and value stocks. A cup of coffee a day could set you up for life at age 65.5”
Chad “Bruh I ain’t got no idea what you talking about i gotta push this transaction into Clown Wif Hat coin and bridge 100 ETH into this product made 4 days ago by a bunch of Chinese and Russian people located in the Congo (remember this part!)”
Steve “This sounds reckless, take my card and reach out if you need anything. Stay Safe”
Chad leaves with Susan and learns she’s a popular OnlyFans producer. A match made in heaven for his adult product company. Susan lets Chad borrow her phone to acquire Clown Wif Hat and is up 42,069%.
Steve and Karen take “the L Train” back to their studio apartment in Brooklyn.
Rockaway Parkway. It’s real. Look it up. L-Train.
A couple of months pass…
Bain has just had a round of layoffs and total compensation will be down this year. Steve’s investment banking friends are not doing much better and the entire analyst class is downsized by 75%.
"Probably just a bump in the road, talent doesn’t matter perseverance does!”
Since morale is down, Bain decides to let everyone go out for drinks again with a hard cap at two for the night. He and Karen go to Electric Lemon.
Since the company is not allowing them to expense food they head to the right for the bar… what do you know… Chad and Susan are there!
Steve “Oh hey guys, hope you are doing well it was a pretty rough night last time we met!”
Chad “What? We’ve got exactly 30 minutes until this pre-sale launches and i just dropped my phone into the Tequila I hope it still works”
Steve “Is that-that… Clase Azul?”
Chad “Yeah it is bruh they didn’t have any of the good stuff, Susan has back up alcohol in her bra if you want. (pulls up Compass real estate app looking at pending sale)”
Steve “Are you looking into becoming a real estate now that you’ve learned about risk management after the crypto stuff went down?”
Susan “No we just bought our first apartment near Central Park! We got featured on House Hunters”
Steve “is-is-is that Tribeca?!?!”
Susan “Yeah it is! We got outbid by a cartoon Pepe on the place we wanted in SoHo but this was our second favorite option!”
Steve “A what….”
Chad “Success! The transaction went through, and my phone died! Looks like we have to hold this thing for a few hours until we get home”
Susan “Don’t worry Sweetie you’re an amazing coin investor”
Steve “A-a-nd what do you do for work Susan if i might interject”
Susan “Ohh I have an OnlyFans and we sell adult toys online, we’re growing at 1,000% per week. I can show you a video if you want!”
Karen “No! We’re leaving this instant!”
Chad and Susan make 230,000% gains on the coin while being blacked out. They sell the coin and end up outbidding Pepe for the Soho apartment for $9.19 million US Tokens.
A Cold Winter
Karen and Steve have a rough winter. Karen has been accepted into the PHD program for Dphil in Migration studies at Oxford. Steve works 7 days a week and Karen needs to pursue her dream of Migration studies for the greater good of society.
They decide to break up.
One week later, a power outage hits the city. Since the cramped studio apartment is not near important landmarks like hospitals, there is no hope of restoring power for three weeks.
Steve is forced to walk 5 extra stations down the line to make sure he can arrive in time for work in Manhattan. Steve gets his performance review.
“The firm has had a tough year. Profits are up 25% but the expected increase was 30% which means the bonus pool is down 35%. You’ve been an exceptional employee so you’re getting the top tier bonus of $40,000. Since we want you to be aligned with Company values, 75% of this bonus is deferred and vests over 5 years and $10,000 pre-tax will hit your account next paycheck”
Steve “Wow thank you, I am excited to continue my journey at Bain”
“We’re glad to hear that, we also got you two extra Patagonia sweater vests to hold you through the winter. I know the power outage has hit Brooklyn hard and we’ve heard sleeping in company clothing can protect against frostbite. Congrats on your first year with the Bain Family! See you at the Holiday party at the Standard Hotel tonight. Oh and by the way, tell your colleagues that pronouns in email is mandatory”
The Standard Hotel
After having two drinks (Karen is gone), Steve looks over and sees Chad and Susan again. They appear to be rolling up $100 bills to smoke… gasp… weed!
Steve “Hey it’s dangerous to do that here you might get caught”
Chad “Oh it’s Corp-Steve-o! Want a line?”
Steve “a-a-a-a what?”
Susan (Throws a line of coke on a glass plate and rips heavily with a $100 bill)
Steve “oh my goodness gracious, i can’t be seen with this…”
Owner of bar steps in: “That was a small line you guys getting old or what! (laughs and goes back to pouring drinks)”
Steve “the owner knows you do this and doesn’t call the appropriate authorities to investigate this matter?”
Chad and Susan “We do this all the time, even the bouncers join sometimes. You should come to our place. When this shuts down the whole staff hangs out for a couple hours after 2am”
Steve thinks to himself (there is no way this can be true I need to see it for myself)
Two hours pass and they leave to the apartment. He notices the address isn’t Tribeca but SoHo. (gottem! he says in his head)
Steve “Thought you guys were in Tribecca did the deal fall apart (he prays internally that he’s right)”
Susan “We got the one we wanted! Cartoon Pepe couldn’t bid at the final offer we put in. Sure we lost our $200,000 deposit on the Tribecca place but I just made a few more videos on Only Fans with adult toys to make up for the cost!”
The apartment doors open to the penthouse. The entire staff from the bar is there and it looks like industry night but in the comfort of a 8,000 square foot luxury condo.
Steve looks at his phone and realizes a client needs to make five edits to a 600 page powerpoint presentation. He tries to head home but doesn’t have a key to scan down while Susan and Chad are locked in a bathroom.
He walks down the fire escape. 60 floors down and takes the L-Train back home.
For a final dose of maximum pain he looks up the SoHo property. The deed is not held by a bank. They paid cash.
Meanwhile in the Congo
Remember Chad bridging to a project in the Congo. On the other side of the planet is a Chinese/Russian 0.84% body fat anorexic autist coding all of the projects. The L2? Yep was him. The meme coin? Him. The DeFi project? Him. The NFT that 50x’d on launch? You guessed it him.
You may be wondering why is out there. Well. The entire country now registers the highest GDP growth on the planet. Even El Salvador and Michael Saylor combined can’t keep up with the gains.
He’ll be President of the Country and legalize all cryptographically secured assets with a 0% tax rate.
He sits back and wonders if he should send a tip to Steve at Bain and Company. Chad, his largest supporter and LP provider mentioned the predicament
He rocks back and forth on the hardwood floor and comes to an unemotional conclusion.
“Nah. He’ll cave eventually. When he does, I sell.”
Dead Serious Post
Outside the short non-fiction story, the truth is all here.
If you hope to escape this year and next you need to be building online and acquiring crypto assets. There are a hundred ways to win. The most humorous is wealth generated by the extreme left curve.
During this cycle we suspect there are essentially three strategies: 1) extreme left curve - pre-sale hype - not our focus and great for people with a pulse on retail, 2) extreme system gaming and capital efficiency - airdrops/liquidity and some high-end NFTs - our focus and 3) the extreme right curve with deep tech knowledge related to computing/AI/storage/scaling solutions.
If you’re good/elite at any of these three you will do well, just don’t try to do all of them at once. If you are earning money online, we’d wager that you won’t have time to deploy more than one strategy. It isn’t possible to do all of them since you always need to monitor your campaigns.
If you’re already finding obscure pre-sales consistently, well, enjoy being Chad this year.
Long degeneracy, loneliness, gambling and vice. Build around the future or find yourself being skinned alive by the corporate grinder.
The rest is up to you…
Disclaimer: None of this is to be deemed legal or financial advice of any kind. These are *opinions* written by an anonymous group of Ex-Wall Street Tech Bankers and software engineers who moved into affiliate marketing and e-commerce.
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Rip the Wharton guy who subbed
Steve won’t read this till he gets off work.